A Lot to Learn

I stumble, I pause, I improvise, and only get it right about half of the time, but this does wonders for motivation.

Currently my father is not feeling well and we are uncertain of the causative agent, thus leading to a handful of questions, many of which I try to answer. Some of the answers I know and some I do not, still some I think I know but in fact do not.

Consequently, I go to resources that will help me learn so that next time I am asked the question I will be able to answer correctly. Strangely though, I am not convinced of the motive for searching out the answer. Obviously, I am going to say that it is two fold 1.) I want to know the answer to be able to help the next person who asks, and 2.) I do not want to look like an idiot. The convincing aspect that I have yet to decide is - Which is the stronger motivator?

Of course, I should be striving for motive number one, but only I know the truth and the truth might possibly be that my ego is more powerful than my altruism. Many people would be exercising self-deception if they did not agree that they are in the same boat with paddle in hand.

Is this bad? It definitely has the potential, but that potential does not have to become kinetic.

Additionally, we are presented with the universal question of whether the end justifies the means. Does it matter why I learn if the end result is helping others? My answer is yes, but I know the end will not be reached solely from a helping heart. Fortunately, I have people who help to keep me in check because it is impossible to achieve on my own.

Lastly, one thing for which I am certain regardless of the motive, when the day comes that I do not go look something up I need to retire.